Okay folks, I have nothing better to do so I thought "Since I've already updated mynew journal, I have nothing to do. I'll update the old one." So here I am. Writing in my journal. Wow. This is fascinating.

I am making some perogies and they kick some major tail. They are better than you, and you know it. Haha. Perogies are cooler than you. That's lame. Sheesh. I have watched Donnie Darko 12 times in 5 days. That's just obscene. Hot damn, I need a smoke. I need a smoke so bad. Cloves rock my socks. Especially Djarium Splash. Fuck yesss. Haha. I am watching the best cartoon in the whole god damned world. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Whoo.

I am such a telephone whore. I all day I did pretty much nothing but talk on the phone and watch Donnie Darko. I hate the phone. It is a horrible burden, but I continued to use it, yes I did. I'm supposed to go to Christines or she come here at like 5:00 but, She never called. So I got online again. I'm a geek. A proud geeek.

I am so happy. I haven't done any self mutilant things in about a week. I feel like I don't need it anymore, but I'm thinking if I don't do it, my anger will build up and I will start again. I hope that doesn't happen.. I really do. I have 5 fucking holes in my arm and 2 in my leg. Burning has gotten bad, too. But like I said, I haven't done anything in over a week.

Has anyone heard of the band Xiu Xiu?? If you have, please leave a comment. They are a really good band (or at least I think so..). Okay folks, I'm gonna skidatle so see you late-errr!

-Kat

Xiu Xiu can kick your boyfriends ass!

current mood: chipper

Hello! Today was really neat-o! I hung out with Sierra, Dan and Tim all day at the Rec. Center. We were supposed to get something. . .Uh. . yeah But we would have to wait an hour to get it and we were supposed to be picked up at 8:30 and it was already 8:00. So instead we went to ASTRO. That was really cool. I saw Aida there, which was really cool since I haven't seen her in like 5 months. So I hung out with her, Lauren, Robby, Sierra, Derek and like a lot of other people. It was great. Then Sierra started freaking out and going all wacko. I'm not sure what happened. She was breathing really hard and laughing and She started getting really numb. I was scared. But about an hour or so later she snapped out of it. That made me happy.

So it turns out that me and Christine aren't friends anymore and that doesn't bother me one bit. She is still my friend. . . Oh well. Right now I am at Joey Colado's house with Sierra babysiting his little sister, Taedem. She's cool. . . for a 9 year old. I love it because we get FREE FOOD and INTERNET ALL NIGHT!! YIPPEE!! God, I effin' love this! Well. .  What else should I write about? Hmm. .  AHA! I tripped Angelia Gallehue today at Astro! It felt soo good! Only because she knows how to skateboard and I don't. .so HA! Well at least I did an 'Ollie' which is pretty hard to do! I did it twice! *high five!*

I think I need a boyfriend. A real boyfriend. Not like John. You guys don;t knwo John, so I'm not gettinginto that. All I can say is. .  Well a lot happened, and I feel uncomfortable saying it. Not even Christine knows about it. I never felt the need to tell her because she might think I'm a "slut" or something bad like that. I feel guilty. But at the same time I don't? I don't know. Haha. Eeew! I'm watching the Texas Chainsaw Masacre right now for the fourth time and it's still really gross. Not scary, GROSS. Which reminds me. I had to clean up two HUGE piles of dog puke today. YUCK!!!! It was rather disgusting. I think I almost made a third pile! lol. That would have sucked. Blah. I don't know what elso to write. I'm trying to make this entry really long because I have never done that before. Well, at least not THIS long.

Ha! Sierra and I traded pants and I gave her my "jizz" pants! lol. It's not actual "Jizz", it's glue. But it's on the crotch and it looks pretty bad! haha. I couldn't stop laughing about it! heh. Jizz. Hah.Oh my Gosh I love Funions! Sheesh! We're like eating all of Joeys food! I feel bad. But it sure tastes good! We had Goldfish, Fudge Rounds, Cheese Nips, Funions and Coke.I have to stay up all night and I'm already really tired. I don't know if I can do it. .  WISH ME LUCK!

Okay, Well I guess I'm done. Have a nice night/morning and I'll write to you later! G'BYE!

-Kat

current mood: tired

Shit. I fucking hate myself. Yesterday, Me, Christine and Audra were all in St. Pete at this 4th of July thing and uh. .  I don't know. It was really gay.  really pissed them off. I guess it's because I'm 'emotional' . . .or so she says. This is what she put in her journal. .

Also today was my first time I got fucking so annoyed with kat. The chick is always depressed. I mean I love her alot, just....I can't stand her being so emotional all the time.

Yeah. That's nice. AHHH! She pisses me off TOO! Whatever. Bye.

*Kat

current mood: annoyed

Hm. I had the weirdest dream today. I think I got it because last night I watched "Invasion of the bee girls" on Flix. Ugh. I'm not even going to tell you about the dream right now, but if you want to know you can I/M me I guess.  Okay. . . Well right now I am wating Spaghetti & Ravioli thingies. They're really good! Yumm. .  I made Iced Tea today. I love Iced Tea. It's the best. No one is online today. Or at least  not talking to me. I think they're mad again. *sigh* Right now I am listening to "Creep" be Radiohead. I love that song. It's so pretty. Oh, now Displaced is on. I like that song, too. I want to read another book, but I can't make up my mind as to which one I want to read. I am impossible.

current mood: sad

Hm. Today was really dull. I woke up around 7:45 PM and then I cleaned the house. It looks pretty good. THen I painted my toenails a really rad teal/aqua /blue/ green color. It's pretty neat. I had a salad. Now I am on the computer.  I feel really bad for my mom. My stupid brother Matt was cleaning and accidentally broke her Priceless, irreplacable, hand blown krystal vase that she loved oh, so very much. She cried. Now she won't come out of her room. MY AIR WORKS!!! YAY!! It has been broken for several monthes and today, Norman fixed it so now it works. That made me kind of happy. I finnished The Perks Of Being A Wallflower again today. I swear I could read that book 100 times and still love it. Okay, well thats about it, so I'll write more later. Bye

-Kat

current mood: discontent

Wow. I Love this book so much, so I thought I'd put it in here. (I am also reading it for the 3rd time)

"Chops" from The Perks Of...
Chops

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts

That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
With tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X’s
and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Autumn”
because that was the name of the season
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes

That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Innocence: A Question”
because that was the question about his girl
And that’s what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her

That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle’s Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it “Absolutely Nothing”
Because that’s what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn’t think
he could reach the kitchen.

current mood: curious

Wow. Last night was probably the best night I have had in a while.  Me and Christine  (and some of her friends) went to see the Aquabats and the Planet Smashers in St. Pete. It was great. Everyone was just skankin and listening to the music and smoking and everyone was happy, which made me really happy too. 

Today kind of sucked though. My friends are fighting and I don't know how to handle things anymore. I feel useless. Like I have no purpose. I have been so confused lately and I just don't know what to do. No one can help me, but I guess they can try. . .

FUCK!! I was just so happy, what happened? I am just the biggest Fuck- up , aren't I? Well, I don't know if I should say this. .  But I did try to kill myself again on like the 24th or the 25th.  I loaded up on a bunch of Ibuprofin and got a knife and. . .      well. . . . yeah. I don't know what I was thinking, I guess I wasn't thinking at all. Should I have done it? Why shouldn't I have done it? What if I did. . . Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? In my oppinion, I should have.
 

current mood: Depressed and Angry